The Lymph Node

Ok.

Trying my very best and being more positive. I'm now confident that this most recent flare was triggered by some virus that my body has almost fought off all the way.  I've gone to Bikram two nights in a row and am definitely feeling more with it. Even though the lymph node on the side of my neck is still sore, I've got more energy and pep than I did on Monday. Absolutely. What is this strange lymph node I speak of? Well.

When I was fifteen I got very sick and no one knew what was wrong. Reallly sick. I remember being horribly fatigued and feverish and sore and nauseous, I don't really remember all of the symptoms, but I do remember this lymph node on the left side of my neck was what everyone was so scared about. It exploded to the size of golf ball. It was hard. It seemed to be the source of all my pain, I could barely even move my neck.

A doctor pressed on it to do a pain test, 1-10, 10 being the worst pain possible. I think I said it was around an 8 or 9 when he pressed down. "A good sign," he said.  I know my parents were afraid it was cancerous, but ultrasound and MRI proved it was just a crazy lymph node that was fighting off an infection.

But no one could figure out what it was. I went to an Infectious Disease specialist and was tested for many bizarre things--Cat Scratch Disease was in the running for awhile until I tested negative for the second portion of the test. The final diagnosis (and one no one ever seemed certain about): a vague decision that it was most likely a Staph infection.

I went on crazy drugs that helped me out (and turned my pee orange).

I had just been suffering through all the craziness while still going to school, though I'm sure there were a few days of not going to school. I definitely was taking meds while going to school and doing the Freshman/Sophomore shows and performing and feeling so sick. I remember I had gotten a haircut and was nervous that everyone would see how enormous this lymph node was and worry about me. I of course recovered after a few weeks but his lymph node has stuck around for 16 years. When it starts to get swollen and painful I know that my body is working hard to fight something off. Sometimes it is a precursor to me getting sick, sometimes it gets swollen and I never get sick, and sometimes I just feel gross while it makes its appearance. It is the oddest thing ever. It is like a crystal ball of health. When it appears I know I will either be feeling very poorly very soon OR I have an opportunity to fend off the illness before it sinks its teeth in and really take very good care of myself. I've also been sick many times without the node ever even making a fuss.

It has never gotten to the size it did when I was kid. But it still always makes my Mom nervous when I tell her its back. My Uncle has said, "You should just cut that thing out."

But I'd rather keep it and let it be a reminder to slow down. Plus, I really don't care for surgery to remove this sucker. It's unnecessary. Is it painful at times? Yes. But is it also a reminder I'm still kicking?

Yes.