2 Weeks to Go.

If I was one to listen to the Universe (and I am) the Universe has very clearly been sending me some messages that perhaps the Tri is not for me.

Let's sum this up here.

You need to swim, bike, and run.

Did I purchase the wrong wetsuit from a little lady on Craiglist and did she refuse to reverse the transaction?

YES.

Did my bike get stolen off my balcony?

YES.

Is my knee busted to the point where the medical advice is to not run at all?

YES.

The Universe has thrown some wrenches in my grand plan.  Perhaps it is telling me not to do the Tri.

But perhaps it is also seeing how bad I want it.

And I want this bad.

Because my bike my have been stolen, but I bought a used Blue one I named 'Merriweather' and she and I are getting along just fine. In fact, we've hit 25 miles together.

Because I may have thought a wetsuit was just a wetsuit and didn't know that you shouldn't race in a dive suit, but I hit a mile for the very first time in Lake Michigan WITHOUT any wetsuit. And then I did it again a few days later. And I'll do it again tomorrow. And I'll go that much faster because of it when I rent the tri specific one for race day.

Because even though I cannot run, I will walk the 6 miles on race day because I'm crossing that finish line one way or another no matter what.

The running is a disappointment for sure. It's funny that what has caused the most issues while training wasn't even fibro! It's not how I wanted this first race to go down. But even I have to acknowledge it would be unwise to run on it. And that's saying a lot, considering how stubborn I am. It has been bothering me for months, and I really believe that it was not the training that caused the issues with the knee ---certainly it was aggravated by the few runs I did complete--- rather, there have been underlying issues for years. The doc thinks it is possibly damaged cartilage, possibly cartilage fragments. Maybe it's from the 1/2 marathons I've completed? Not sure. Worse case scenario is surgery. Best case is that physical therapy will help a ton and the doc won't need to get in there to clear anything out. At this point, if it was just the doctor saying, "Don't run, be safe," I probably wouldn't listen. But the thing is, I can't run. It is too painful. Walking has been painful. My knee hurts on the train, hurts when I'm trying to go to bed. It feels better than a week ago, but I have had knee issues for years, and it's finally caught up with me. I'm going in for a fancy MRI on Wednesday to see what's going on.

I could be destroyed with this news, but I am not. Because when I look at the physical state I was in 3 months ago, I am so much healthier and stronger than I was then even WITH the injury. The fibro fatigue is minimal, the nerve pain is minimal (not gone though--but better), and the fibro fog is so much better (even though I did forget my pin # to my debit card again twice in one week. Oh well!) I have not followed the traditional training schedule like I originally planned, rather, I have had to take multiple rest days, like 3 at a time. And that's fine. That's what I could do knowing the danger in triggering another flare. I listened with precision and when I thought I should push, I pushed. And when I thought I should stop, I stopped. I have muscles, I have lost weight without trying, I am sleeping better, and I have had something to focus on while I was healing my body and my soul. My mind has had this one beautiful/awesome/boundary-pushing place to go in a time of turbulence. At a time when I honestly didn't know if I wanted to be an actor anymore, when I didn't have a show to throw my creativity into, when a relationship had just ended, when craziness/sadness in my family was raging, when I wanted to walk out on my day-job....there was the triathlon.

I honestly do not know what kind of state I would be in right now mentally and physically if it were not for the Tri.

And so I am grateful.

This has been so challenging, this has been the summer I quit acting to be a triathlete, but this will always be the summer I took myself back.

And realized just how strong I am.